Tuesday, May 31, 2005


Today was Jenn's birthday! She's the one in the picture above, bravely fighting off a ferocious tumbleweed. Go visit her blog and leave her happy/congratulatory/utterly confusing messages!

It's too bad it was during the week, but hopefully there'll be some kind of wild shindig on the weekend so that we might properly celebrate the greatness that is JENN!

Although she's no longer in Bamfield, so we can't do the BAAAAAAAAAMFIELD shout anymore. Ah well.

In closing, I will just say that Jenn is lucky I am not at home, for I do not have access to the many, many, many terrific pictures of her that are there. ;)

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Star Wars Gangsta Rap Special Edition
We saw Episode III tonight and kept quietly shouting out bits of this at random moments.

Darth Vader blog, revisited
I just linked this a while back, but the author has organized the entries into proper chronological order.


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Sunday, May 29, 2005


My brother's graduated!

In classic style, I might add.

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:: Westsyde Story and the Science Police ::

My brother's high school graduation was very similar to mine - same place, same procedure, etc etc. One notable difference though was that another high school, Norkam, was also having their Grand March/dance at UCC at the same time. Pretty poor planning if you ask me.

Anyways it turns out Westsyde would have their Grand March, and then clear out and Norkam would have theirs. Okay, that's workable. But apparently the plan for the dance, which is always in the C.A.C. ballroom, was to SPLIT THE ROOM IN HALF with the big sliding-wall dividers, and have Westsyde on one side and Norkam on the other.

Instantly when I learned of this plan I had visions of people laughing, dancing and having fun, and then walking out into the lobby and ensuing in furious brawls with students from the other schools. Then dusting off their suits, walking back in and getting down to Y.M.C.A..

I mentioned this to Jeremy, and we theorized that while this would definitely make the night memorable, it would be even better if both schools were just minding their own business, dancing away, and all of a sudden the wall divider falls to the ground. The music stops, each school slowly turns, rises and stares across the void at their nemesis' (nemesises? nemesi?). And then...

DANCE-OFF!!!


*cue Westside Story reference joke*

It turns out that Westsyde had their dance in the Student Center wing of the CAC, so crisis and dance-off were averted.

Jeremy, his brother Mike, and my brother also play this game called Heroclix. It's a game with little figurines with different abilities and powers, and each player has a team of these guys and fights the other team. It's very Warhammer-ish. If you know kinda what I'm talking about, the preceding sentences will have made sense. If not, then oh well, I won't be able to explain adequately anyways.

Anyways, the figures are Marvel and DC superheros. Iron Man, Thor, Wolverine, Spider-Man, Batman, Flash, etc. are all characters you can get. Jeremy, Jamie and Mike all had a nice little collection with numerous well-known heroes and villains. So today while we were at the comic shop, I decided to buy a box - not really to play, since I doubt there's many Heroclix players in Vulcan, but just to see what I'd get.

Now, there's three "levels" of figures - yellow (rookie) to blue to red (veteran). So I open up my DC pack, hoping for someone cool like Flash or Joker or even Batman.

Instead, I got a generic cop lady named Science Police.

SCIENCE POLICE!!

This has quickly become my "disbelieving outrage" shout of the week.


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Friday, May 27, 2005
Just an observation about how things have changed over the years.

When I was in Grade 8, my high school had an annual event called "Slave Day" where the Grade 12s could "purchase" a Grade 8 student (or two...or three), who for the rest of the day would be the Grade 12's slave(s). It wasn't a horrible scarring event - it was only for the Grade 8s who wanted to participate. And it was awesome. Funny, memorable, and in general a great bonding event between the new and old guard.

When I was in Grade 12, slave day had long since been abolished. Instead, we had...Hot Dog Day. Where the Grade 12s cooked hot dogs for the Grade 8s. Okay...not quite as crazy or funny (and by that I mean totally not crazy or funny at all) but it still allowed everyone to mingle and stuff and get to know people.

Now this year, I discovered that the Grade 8/12 event was.........a little therapy session to discuss issues. I'm not shitting you. It was called The Grade 8/12 Retreat.

Now, not to play the "back when I was in Grade 8" card, but back when I was in Grade 8, the only "retreating" that was done was the retreating of horrified students fleeing out of the way of a Grade 8-pulled chariot storming around the halls.

It's kind of sad and a little pathetic at how drab the school system has become.

Course, in Grade 8 we also had the unofficial bingo dab wars, where everyone was armed with bingo dabbers and tried to mark the back of people's necks. I swear, it was the most paranoid and militaristic group of 13-year-olds you ever saw. And it was AWESOME.


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Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Time to go home! And the first thing I'll do when I get home is march over to Shaun's house, light my feet on fire, and proceed to kick the fiery hell out of his confused, bewildered self. The flames will not harm me, for I am made of asbestos, which means I am impervious to fire as well as highly toxic. I shall proceed to sit back and enjoy the warm, shorts-wearing weather.

Technically I don't actually go home until tomorrow. I'm going into Calgary tonight, gonna stay the night and then catch the flight home to Kamloops tomorrow afternoon. I am uneasy as to how next week's Advocate production will go, but oh well, if nothing else it will reiterate how utterly indispensable I am to the company, probably to such an EXTREME degree that my return will immediately be followed by a bounteous payraise.

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Well excuse me, Princess!
Remember the show Captain N and the Game Master? And the Link show that was part of it?


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Saturday, May 21, 2005
Having an assistant rules! To clarify, this week I've had a guy, Chad, learning how to do my job at the paper. He's going to be covering for me when I go home on Thursday for some vacation time and to check out my brother's grad.

The good thing about having an assistant? (technically I'm training him) He does all the work! And the funny part is, that's actually how it's supposed to be, too, so that he can encounter problems and ask me for help. The bad part is I can't really slack off/check baseball scores/read magazines etc. on the job right now, since I'm training him. Oh well.

With all the Star Wars buzz lately, here's a SW-related item. I found this blog called "The Darth Side" (http://darthside.blogspot.com) that is the personal blog of Darth Vader. As funny as this sounds, it's not actually related (very much) to the recent movie. Instead it's set during the time of the first trilogy, and it's all of Vader's personal thoughts, motivations, and inner dialogue. It's actually a REALLY, REALLY good read. I'm not even a huge Star Wars fan, but I read every single post last night, unable to stop. It's some of the best writing I've read in ages - clever, funny, accurate to the movies, and honestly beautiful at points. Do yourself a favor and read it. There's not that many entries, so it won't take a long time. Here's one of my favourite posts: "Blasted Contractors!"

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The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster
In case you missed the link above.


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Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Honestly, some people are just idiots.

So it's our responsibility to make fun of them!

Back when Gmail was just starting up, and invites to open accounts were rare and much sought-after, I devoted myself to snagging as many names as I possibly could, partially because I wanted to piss people off who wanted those email names later, and partially cause well, I'm kind of a geek that way.

Anyways, I never use gmail, but to keep the accounts active I log in every month or two. On most of the accounts there's nothing new or just the odd spam message, but on some of the email accounts (the ones based from common words/names) I get the oddest messages. I get actual emails from people who think they're emailing their friends. I'm not sure how they got my email address to use, or if said friend gave them the wrong address, or what, but I find these unintention glimpses into strangers' lives oddly amusing.

The following is some of my email accounts (just the first part of the name) and emails I've gotten. My comments, if any, are in red.

thirteen
  • Apr. 25, 2005: "Demo CD" from hxcjay
    I want one of your guys demos. What I do to get one?

calgaryflames
  • Dome Hockey - Dec. 9, 2004 from spookies
    Hey you's guys!

    I know it's a long time coming but we have finally come upon some Dome
    hockey time - the 21st of December at 9:15pm to 10:30pm. This was the ONLY
    time available.

    There is an $8.00 fee that I will need to collect from you by Dec 14th. If
    there are not enough players to play, the ice will unfortunately be
    cancelled.

    Overall, thirty-five people have been contacted... 'first come first
    served'. So let me know ASAP.

    See you soon!

    Grizz

    Re: Dome Hockey - Dec. 10, 2004 from David Imbach
    hey Grizz,

    Thanks for getting this organized, just one question....If you sent the
    email to us why did you cc yourself?? I am fighting sloan this time.

    Dave

    Re: Dome Hockey - Dec. 10, 2004 from Matt Holmes
    Hey Grizz,

    Thanks for the invite, but it looks like I'm out until the summer. It's
    coming along, but very, very slowly. But when I come back, watch out!

    Later

    Re: Dome Hockey - Dec. 15, 2004 from spookies
    Hey boys,

    Here are the confirmations...

    Mel, Doug, Jamie, Ritchie Rich, Bill, Gordie (paid), Colin, Wade, Stevie
    Strach, Steve Johnson, Dave, Mitch, Cam, Chris D, Tim Webber (paid), Karl
    (paid), Scottie (paid), Jody, Andy, Rick, Carlo, Robbie K., Teddy B., Dan
    Cezar,.

    Others lie in the balance. I'll need the funds by Friday guys!

    Rick

    Re: Dome Hockey - Dec. 16, 2004 from spookies
    Hello Gents,

    To those of us who have not antied up, I'll see you on Tuesday night. We'll
    settle then. Looking forward to seeing all of you there.

    Rick

    Re: Dome Hockey - Dec. 20, 2004 from spookies
    Hey Boys,

    Just A reminder... hockey tomorrow night.(Dec., 21) 9:15pm - 10:30pm. Be
    early to suit up! You will be seeing some new faces. Teddy's bringing out
    the tubes! Bees, not that aluminum piece of crap you love to cross check
    with. Steve will be out to keep you in line. Mitch, We'll try to swing by to
    get you. Do you need anything... pads, mask etc... It's not to likely that
    you'll face to much rubber... I take that back, Ted's your D-man. Dave,
    please contact Colin, and Wade and Jody. $8.00 will be collected BEFORE YOU
    PLAY!!! Those of you who have paid... good on ya. It's gonna be a good
    time... So, please reconfirm so that I can set up the teams! See you
    tomorrow night!

    R

    P.S... If there is any interest, Ronnie would be available to shoot the
    event for a small fee.($5) LMK and I'll let him know if his services are
    needed.

    Re: Dome Hockey - Dec. 20, 2004 from Jamie Ross
    I'll show up, just so I can kick the butcher's ass. A little payback for
    basketball!!!!
    Jamie

    Despite the fact I never answered this group of people, I kept getting emailed as one of their friends. I wonder how I even got onto their list of emails in the first place?

pineapple
  • Your Gmail account, bachang@gmail.com, has been created - May 6, 2005 from Gmail Team
    Congratulations on creating your brand new Gmail account, bachang@gmail.com.
    Please keep this email for your records, as it contains an
    important verification code that you may need should you ever
    encounter problems or forget your password.

    ...what the hell? Haha, if you're making an email account and it asks for a secondary email, don't put a random email...cause if it's actually the email of someone like me, it lets them reset your password. It appears bachang is the email address of some kind of homemade dumpling company. How that matches with "pineapple" is beyond me, but whatever...

outside
  • new e-mail - July 1, 2004 from Adam Gaspar
    Wow your special

freeze
  • FYP REport - Feb 26, 2005 from Torn Apart.....
    hi, please check out the report that i've attached for you. the other report is a sample report for your viewing. please complete those that are in blue font. you need not bother about the screen shots. after you complete the report please bring it to school and merge with the original copy that is with serleng. just copy what you have typed over into her copy because i have deleted the screen shots to make the file smaller and easier to send to you.

    cheerio

    amanda

    The documents were some kind of tourism guide plan for guided tours of Singapore.


  • Your Gmail account, freezebe@gmail.com, has been created - Feb. 27, 2005 from Gmail Team
    Congratulations on creating your brand new Gmail account, freezebe@gmail.com.
    Please keep this email for your records, as it contains an
    important verification code that you may need should you ever
    encounter problems or forget your password.

    ...again? What is with these people?? Since they were clogging my inbox with their stupid account sign-ups, I once again reset their password and took a look. The account was all in Spanish, and there were only two emails, both of which had no text but just a picture each: Picture 1, Picture 2.


  • Woof! - Apr. 25, 2005 from Vito's Tail
    If this makes no sense to you, sorry, this got to you by mistake.

    If it makes some sense, dogs need email too. Use me, if you've got
    something to say...


  • (no subject) - May 16, 2005 from Vadim Voronchin
    9) -1-m=0
    -m=1
    m=1

    This was four digital pictures of someone's Math homework.

lightning
  • My Gmail!!!! - Jan. 6, 2005 from neophyte13
    Hey Jason,

    This is my gmail account...

dammit
  • print again? - July 26, 2004 - from Christian Tomsey
    Can you print these again, and do you think you could xerox copy/paste
    my signature from one of the others onto the printouts? I'm running
    out of time for these stupid errors I'm making.

    I had the dates wrong. Dammit.

    There were four resumes attached, from this Christian person in Milwaukee, WI.


  • yo - Feb. 10, 2005 from misledyouthn@comcast.net
    you are a hard person to find, hope u dont mind me emailin you

    Nate


  • Hi! - Apr. 16, 2005 from Susan Yap
    Hi Liani,
    How is it going for you two over there? Is the weather cold or just a
    little chilly? Guess, Donna would have taken lots of shots with her
    new camera. Didnt think you- Liani will do that as I understand that
    the first few weeks of your trip are places which you have visited before.

    Did you get to see good movies on your flight? How was it for you
    Donna, considering you have been overseas since your Bali trips.

    Hope you both have a wonderful time.

    cheers,
    Susan.

journalism
  • my work - Apr. 18, 2005 - Abdelfatah Montasser
    (no text, three files attached)

    These appeared to be writing samples. One was a column called "Ask Abdel," another was a "Top 5 Songs" list, and the last was a "Top 10 Movies" list. The writing was sub-par at best.


  • (no subject) - May 17, 2005 - from Sarah Harazi
    my murder story (file attached)

    Click here to read Sarah's story.

  • Now this is odd. It seems someone has told people that this was an email address for them to submit their work, or something? And the emails are recent, too. I think I will respond to these ones...

rejected
  • from amy - Mar. 1, 2005 - StartingaNewPast
    Wesley,
    I’m sorry that I told Natasha what I told her. We were just joking about everything and then… it got serious all of the sudden and I don’t know how. I didn’t mean to make anyone mad or upset. We started off saying that you had sex w/ puppies… and all the sudden things were really really serious and she was really upset. From now on, I’m just not going to tell or mention to ANYONE anything about you and I. I look at you as a big brother now. I know that’s weird but that’s how I look at you. I look to you for like… support and friendship. I know that if I need you you’re there. I told Natasha that was where you and I made our mistake. We’re meant to be really good friends. I try to tell her all the time that you mean a lot to him because of all the things you do for her. I don’t know what to do. I think she needs to feel more comfortable about sharing her feelings and you need to be more open to listening and helping and responding instead of yelling like you tend to do. I know its who you are but… it still hurts her. It’s hard being so close to Natasha and knowing a lot about you without revealing or saying things that might bother her or make you angry. I’m not sure what this means. This is the last thing that I wanted to happen. I’ve tried to stay out of shit between ya’ll because I know that it could cause a lot of problems in the house. I want Natasha to be able to trust me and I want you to not be angry with me. That’s a hard balance to keep. I’m trying to maintain it though. You allowing me to move in was a brave move that means the world to me. I truly don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay the two of you. I know I’m really young and still very immature but I’m trying to be as mature as absolutely possible. Wesley, I love you and Natasha very much in a family kind of way. I hope that you can grow to understand where she is coming from and she you because if not, the relationship the two ofyou have could easily come to an end. I know you care about her a lot because I see the things you do for her that you normally wouldn’t do. I know she cares about you a lot because I see how excited she gets about the thought of mention of you. The two of you have what counts where it matters…. Now you have to work at what counts where it will make or break you. The choice is yours. I hope that you can find the balance and I hope that we, as roommates, can find the balance we all need. I’m sorry for any problems and I really hope you can forgive me for saying things that I know I shouldn’t have. Please don’t be angry with each other. Natasha, Wesley forgets things and doesn’t mean to lie. Even when he holds back the truth, its so that it doesn’t hurt YOU. Its so that the two of you can pursue the happiness and possibilities you deserve without the past interrupting that. Westley, Natasha’s a girl. Things matter to her that don’t matter to you as a guy.
    I hope you two can understand that.
    Sorry again
    Love,
    amy

    ...poor Wesley. He never got this long, heartfelt, emotional letter. Sorry bout your luck, Wes! Guess you shouldn't have had sex with puppies. (Man, I'm hoping that was just a joke.)
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SOLAR DEATH RAY!
Solar destructive power! Man you gotta love science.


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Saturday, May 14, 2005
No blog for today. May change later.

EDIT:: After seeing the return of The Simple Life "stars" on the side there, I thought this was worth mention. As you probably know, they're mad at each other and feuding or whatever, who cares, right? Probably some silly thing. Well, I read somewhere that the REASON Paris Hilton is mad at Nicole Richie is because, at a party they were both at, Richie replaced the videotape everyone was going to watch with one of Hilton's sex tape.

BURRRRRRRRRRRRNNN


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ALLERGY ALERT - Undeclared nuts in COCK
Straight from the Canadian government's webpage!


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Thursday, May 12, 2005
Currently listening to: The Art House, FF6 Soundtrack

It's crash and burn day! I have no real logical reason why, but I was up till 5 am last night and got maybe half an hour's sleep before coming to work today. So I doubt the following spewing of verbiage will make little cohesive sense, but I digress, and instead will just say that Nick is a bastard.

Some day I want to be asked a difficult question where I can say "I plead the fifth!" which is a phrase I have heard many times before but never really understood until recently. It's got some background in US law, where the fifth amendment means you don't have to answer on the grounds that your answer would endanger you or harm you no matter what you answered, or something to that effect.

Again, I didn't really understand until I saw an example that was basically like this: two of your female friends confront you and ask you which one is hotter. Clearly there is no answer that will get you out of that one alive. Hence, "I plead the fifth!"

(In retrospect I guess it's more of an actual legal term than a silly answer, but I wouldn't want to have to answer it in a serious context, just a fun one.)

One of the weirder things I've done recently is use a loaf of bread as a pillow. My left elbow was really sore after some long work hours one day (my elbows/arms rest on my desk edge which sometimes is annoyingly unyielding) and all I had available at home to serve as a small pillow was an loaf of bread that was past the expiry date. Sounds odd but it worked, and didn't even explode into little pillowy bits like Shaun's REAL pillow did a while ago.

It seems the number of times I'll watch a show that I'm on the fence on is two. By this I mean I will watch a show twice to give it a fair chance to impress me, even if I already make fun of it. Making the Cut was one that I had high expectations for, but actually found really boring. Recently I added another show to this list, which is The OC, starring the willow twig known as Mischa Barton, whose great claim to acting fame (which I love imitating) is paraphrased as such: (I know it's not completely accurate but the gist is there)

Some other person: "Is something wrong?"
Mischa Barton: "AAARRRUUUGUGGHHAARUUUUUUUUUUHhhHHH!!!!!!" *throws patio chair in pool*

I'm happy to report that 24 removed itself from the list. Before watching it, I was pretty neutral, despite all the hype and whatnot. I've watched two episodes now. In the first, a female FBI agent (I think) is in a building that has some kind of gas in it, and the people inside have been infected and are not allowed to leave. One dude decides to call her bluff and tries to leave and BLAM! she guns him down. Nice. Second episode? A guy is in an embassy or some kind of "safe" place but Jack Bauer needs him so what does he do, KIDNAP HIM AND ESCAPE AMIDST HEAVY GUNFIRE. I was way too entertained by this.

But my best example of this practice is with Sex and the City, of the "already making fun of" variety. I watched it twice and was suitably irritated both times, wishing horrible maimings in the form of large, out of control busses would suddenly befall the characters.

I just had an awesome mental cinematic. The SatC four is sitting in some trendy coffee shop or whatever, drinking and discussing their shoes, purses, men, etc.
Kim Catrall: So today I've only slept with eleven people. IT'S LIKE I'M A VIRGIN!
Sarah Jessica Parker: omg blah aidan blah lol blah shoes like blah fashion sex blah column blah sex
Redhead: [something witty]
Boring girl: [something boring]
Kim Catrall: Man I sure am glad I went to Whore College.
Bus: BLARG YOU ARE DEAD!
Sarah Jessica Parker: omg!! lol
* bus smashes through window, sends girls, Minola Blahniks and Gucci bags flying everywhere*
Matt Silver: BUS-TED!

.....

I was going to try to think of more to write but I think I'll leave it here. I can't top those last lines, and god help me if I spelled "Minola Blahniks" correctly.


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Friday, May 06, 2005
Yesterday was my one-year anniversary here in Vulcan. One year! This is also the longest I've had a job, other than my ongoing profession of being Completely Awesome. A few notes from the past year:

Jim Rome - I discovered the brilliance of Sport Radio Talkshow host Lazlo Jim Rome, and the initial months were the most sports-informed days of my life. However after a month or two I tragically lost Rome when I accidentally changed the radio station and could never find it again.

Casual Dress Friday rule - Modified by me to "Casual Dress Every Day" rule.

Mac Icons - All the default icons have been changed to Transformers ones.

Games - Since I have no homework or papers to work on anymore, I've rediscovered games, which is an awful thing because I spend way too much money and time on these now.

Comics - Yeah, kinda the same deal here. Moving on.

Music - Jay-Z & Linkin Park, Muse, The Killers, Jimmy Eat World, Chevelle, Rise Against

Top 50 Video Games - Fuck. I'll work on this again this weekend, I swear.

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'Whore College' Offers Hands-On Training
Imagine failing: "I'm sorry Susie, you fail, you're just not enough of a whore."

Donatello: Portrait of a Ninja Turtle
A great and hilarious review on why Donatello was the best ninja turtle.

"Virgin Mary" shaped pretzel sells for $10,600 on eBay
Okay enough with these ridiculous sales. Why are all the zealots and fanatics rich??

Absent husband returns home ... as a eunuch
"Good news honey, I finally got a job, but I had to become a eunech to get one." "That's great! I want a divorce. Also, I've enrolled in Whore College."

Syracuse zoo powered by crap
No seriously, it literally will be running on animal dung.

Paris Hilton wallpaper titled "SEE PARIS DIE"
Unfortunately, it only shows her looking bad, not dying. Which means she's free to teach her courses at WHORE COLLEGE!


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Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Over the weekend, I went to Calgary to pick up Guild Wars, a new game and excuse to waste my time. While I was in town I went to Chapters to see if they had the latest and final book in a series I'm reading. They did, but I decided to browse around and spend some money on books I had, until that point, never had any intention of purchasing.

First off, I'm not sure when I missed the memo on this, but apparently Chapters is the new home of the literary ninja. In the sports bin, of which there's like, 15, 20 books, there were SIX books dedicated to Ninjas, Ninja Assassins, Ninja Mind Tricks, etc etc. I opened the assassin book and it had fighting techniques, like what to do when someone attacks you with a sword, or how to kill a diplomat with a crossbow, that kind of thing - complete with little cartoony diagrams. I'm not really sure if it was one of the joke books or if it was actually trying to be serious.

The Jose Canseco biography/crazy drug rant caused a lot of fuss in baseball news, so I'd been interested in sometime checking that out. But then I saw it on the shelf, and saw its actual name: Juiced

Yep, you guessed it.

I GOT JUICED. [end joke that will make sense to only like three people]

I haven't gotten very far in it yet, but I will say this. I made it one page before I was cracking up. ONE PAGE.

Speaking of baseball, my team performed like ass last week, and I dropped from 2nd to 3rd in our Fantasy Baseball Pool. The only good thing about the week was that Nick's team did even worse, and dropped from 6th to 9th. Ah, Nick. When I fail, you're always there to fail just a little more.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Pa. Eatery Offers New 15-Pound Burger
"It's like trying to eat half a cow."

India chews over horny problem of holy cows
"Meanwhile, the city is also infested with thousands of monkeys blamed for attacking people and stealing medicine from hospitals and files from government offices."

School Mistakes Huge Burrito for a Weapon
"I didn't know whether to laugh or cry," school Principal Diana Russell said.


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