Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Not that it was ever in any doubt, but I beat Nick.

Otherwise, all's quiet on the Vernon front. But in VICTORIA IT'S A NATIONAL HOLIDAY! Why? Because it's Jenn's Birthday!! This BAMF'er recently graduated with a B.Pi, a Bachelor of Pirateism! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENN!



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

English radio station bans James Blunt songs
It's official. England fucking rules.


[posted by Rades at 5:47 PM] LINK ||
Sunday, May 28, 2006
A cinematically interesting weekend. Friday we went to X-Men 3, which marks the first time I've been to a movie on opening night in ages...perhaps ever. The movie was okay, but slightly disappointing to me. Perhaps it's because I know the actual X-Men storylines and characters and expected more than the movie gave. Oh well.

Then on Saturday we watched a movie that I knew very little about, Grandma's Boy. I had only caught brief moments of the previews on TV and I thought it looked completely stupid and disgusting. But I was pleasantly surprised, it was very silly humor, but it was hilarious nonetheless. Be warned, it takes a certain mentality to watch it. After all, it is produced by Adam Sandler's production company.

Finally, today Shaun and I started watching King Arthur, a movie I'd been curious about but never got around to watching. We didn't finish watching it, so I borrowed the DVD and am about to finish it now. It seems cool so far, though I've yet to get to the part where Kiera Knightly goes crazy Amazon, so I reserve judgement.

PS: Me and Nick also went head to head this week in Fantasy Baseball. Who won? Well the scores aren't updated yet, so I don't know. But I'll post who tomorrow.


[posted by Rades at 11:59 PM] LINK ||
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
I have money right now. $410 in cash to be exact, in front of me on the table. Why? $170 is from coming in 2nd in my work hockey pool (though it would have been 1st, and $400, if Ziggy Palffy hadn't up and RETIRED on me).

And the other $240 is a damage settlement from a woman who hit my car with her van about a week ago. My PARKED car, in the parking lot. Her reason? Because she was "running away from a bee." Yeah. Running from a bee, in her van. I don't understand it either, but what I do understand is that it will cost a body shop here $240 to fix the MINOR COSMETIC DAMAGE to my bumper. And because it's minor cosmetic damage, I'm definitely not going to bother fixing it. Kaching.


[posted by Rades at 9:58 PM] LINK ||
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Funniest thing I've seen in ages. Anyone wanting to be a broadcast journalist, pay attention!



[posted by Rades at 12:56 AM] LINK ||
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Jim Rome's on holiday this week, so I've found myself going back to the iTunes radio stations that I frequented before I rediscovered him. The absolute best radio station, one that I would listen to at home if I ever remembered, is www.idobiradio.com. NOFX, Millencolin, The Used, It's literally the only punk/alt-rock station I've found. Good quality sound (not scratchy or fuzzy), no commercials, and probably like 95% uptime - there are a few rebuffering lags but not often. I've discovered some great bands on idobi. It's like a Pandora playlist but customized for me! Here's a sample of their music, in the form of the next 13 songs to play:

1. Unwritten Law - Cailin
2. Hoobastank - Out of Control
3. Mest - Rooftops
4. Jimmy Eat World - Pain
5. FM Static - Three Days Later
6. Something Corporate - As You Sleep
7. Just Surrender - In Your Silence
8. Capture The Flag - Going Through Motions
9. Rancid - Fall Back Down
10. Punchline - Getting There Is Getting By
11. Saves The Day - This Is Not An Exit
12. Riddlin' Kids - Nowhere to Run
13. Hawthorne Heights - Ohio Is For Lovers

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

HERE COMES DR. TRAN
Not only is he a real doctor, he's a special agent with a PhD in KICKING YOUR ASS!

Penis artist's work shocks father
"My dad is not too impressed. He shook his head and said, `Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear'."

Mafia gangs steal hundreds of thousands of litres of olive oil, terrify growers

Man lives in treehouse for 50 years after "tiny quarrell" with wife

Man charged $1600 for a beer


[posted by Rades at 10:18 AM] LINK ||
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
So magician / escape artist / complete idiot David Blaine recently did a couple of water-related "acts"...the first where he lived in a giant bubble of water for a week, which is strange, but whatever, I guess that's up his alley.

The second was quite simply, holding his breath for...I think 8.5 minutes? Now escaping from a locked chest, that's one thing. Being sawed in half, that's kinda similar. Even living like a goldfish for a week, that's along those same lines. But holding your breath for an amount of time that's just plain too much for a normal human being? That's just stupid. I mean, if we had a five-time Olympic medalist endurance swimmer about to try the record, that's plausible. But some average joe guy who does tricks and hops out of locked closets or clothes hampers or whatever he does? What the hell?

I'll say this for Blaine, though. He must have the best time choosing his next performances. I mean, what next? Jump off the Empire State Building without a parachute? Throw himself into a wood chipper? Maybe get run over by fourteen semi trucks that are on fire? The possibilities are endless!


[posted by Rades at 9:43 AM] LINK ||
Thursday, May 04, 2006
The following is an extremely awful msn conversation between me and Ryan, in which we used basically all of the Flames and Mighty Ducks player (and coach) names as terrible, terrible puns.

ryan: now i have to cheer for...ottawa?
mike: nah
mike: go for anaheim
mike: NIEDERMAYER
ryan: special nieds
mike: and lupul the palindronian one
mike: with his 1,403 high sticking penalties
ryan: you only like him because you like loopholes
mike: ouch
mike: ouch ry
ryan: i thought it was good
ryan: what was that? dead silence
ryan: tumbleweed
mike: that was painful
ryan: come on, lupul....loopholes....
mike: i know
mike: haha
ryan: see! its funny!
mike: it's alright
mike: but it didn't make me getzlaf
ryan: wow
ryan: i'm sorry i started it
ryan: it is painful
mike: told you
ryan: yours was worse
ryan: which makes it better
mike: that's what you salei
ryan: anyone with a pahlsson would laugh
mike: or yelle in agony
ryan: or get so mad they'd marchant down
mike: we should stop
mike: this is making me ilya
ryan: yeah its making me so sick i need a bryzgalov (RICOLA)
mike: WHAT
mike: i dunno about that one
ryan: tim mccaleef from the score says his name like that
ryan: BRYYYYYZZZGALOVVVV
ryan: like the ricola commercials
mike: never seen them
mike: but i'll take your word for it
ryan: what???
ryan: RIIIIIIICOOOOLLLLAAAAA
ryan: RRRRIIIIIIICOOOOOLLLLAAAAAAA
mike: NEVER SEEN IT
ryan: wow
mike: i am still licking my wounds over the flames loss
mike: i think i may need a sutter
ryan: ok that was bad
ryan: make sure you don't crash your carlyle
mike: i might go off the road and run through a ference
ryan: you'll be ok if you just follow the warrener signs
mike: and don't run any rhett lights
ryan: just don't hamrlik any other vehicles
mike: or hit a bug truck, because that will make selanne out of a small car
ryan: if you're headed this way can you stop by mcdonalds?
mike: i prefer to eat at home - what, do you think i'm ritchie or something?
ryan: well fine can you make me a pisani then?
mike: is that a friesen treat?
ryan: nah its more kobasew
ryan: ok i smell i gotta shower, we will continue
mike: sure take your time
mike: I have to find a penner to write down your order

mike: that's a long freaking shower
ryan: oh i went to school
mike: geez
ryan: i got into a swordfight, had to practice my perry
ryan: Fine Arts 335 - Popular Culture, Topic: Professional Wrestling as Theatre
mike: did you rip your shirt? you might have to kobasew it up
mike: hahaha NICE
mike: TAKE IT
ryan: yeah i might
mike: i would definitely be regehr'd up for that course
ryan: i dunno i've had phaneuf of school
mike: yeah but how hard could it really be to get a good lundmark in that class?
ryan: i dunno they might lombardi me with work
mike: well that's not fair, you should only have to do your fair amonte of work
ryan: i guess it dipentas on my prof
mike: he might give you lots of homework if he thinks you're a geek or a fedoruk
ryan: all i know is trying to get me to do work is huselius
mike: too much work and they might mccarty you off to the hospital
ryan: yeah they'll have to use their donovan
mike: is there snow there still? they might have to use a salei to get you to the ambulance
ryan: i wish there was still snow, then i could vishnevski
mike: which kind, cross country or o'donnell hill?
ryan: cross country, i dont like taking big jumps or leopolds
mike: it's not that bad, the snow is usually pretty kiprusoff to land in
ryan: it'd be nice if we could use kunitz of measurement to determine exactly how soft the landing is
mike: we could get some test subjects and beauchemin and gauge their reactions
ryan: or we could just punch them dans le boucher
mike: well we don't have anyone handy, how about I just punch you? come on, take one for the teemu
ryan: easy there mike, don't have a langkow
mike: isn't it, don't have a langkow, simon?
ryan: maybe, sounds like an elaborate scheme or ruslan
ryan: GIGUERE
ryan: there's just no way to use that
mike: come on, think it over and take your time
mike: after all, jarome wasn't built in a day
ryan: yeah well i'm not roman so....
mike: i wonder if puns like this are against the iginla in rome?
ryan: really we can go on like this all daymond
mike: hulse say
ryan: its a good thing this kind of talent isn't vitaly to our survival
mike: yeah, i'd marcus down as goners
ryan: I think we'd be able to weather the hedstrom
mike: it might rob us of our will to live though
ryan: the important thing is that people will moen at our jokes
mike: no matter how giguereish they are
ryan: people that laugh at this probaby need to be leclerc'd insane
mike: oh, undionably
ryan: they'd laugh so hard they'd pull their loyns though
mike: that would suck but at least then they'd be joffrey work on WCB
ryan: they wouldn't darren try to scam the government
mike: why not? everyone dreams of robyn "the man"
ryan: I guess it would be better than stuck eating chuck steak with cale
mike: (WHAT?)
mike: (with cale? :\)
ryan: (kale - a green leaf vegatable)
ryan: (look it up)
ryan: (2 for 1!)
mike: if they were caught they could run to francois
ryan: yeah but the french are snobs, they make them marchment right back to where they came from
mike: YOU ALREADY USED THAT
mike: I WIN
ryan: um you've doubled many times
ryan: also, i used MARCHANT
ryan: not marchment
mike: really
mike: okay then
ryan: SUCKER
mike: my bad
mike: haha
mike: i haven't doubled yet
mike: haven't used the same first or last name yet
ryan: you used salei twice
ryan: i have this saved i will find it for you
mike: no you're right
mike: damn
mike: it was in different context at least though
ryan: SAN WINS
mike: DAMN YOU
mike: i did use beauchemin and gigeure though
ryan: yes you did
ryan: badly, but still
mike: i didn't think we'd ever use beauchemin
mike: come on beauchemin was genius
mike: i had to marshall all my wits to come up with that one
ryan: i think i've heard that one before, it was one of my friends...Giordano
ryan: i don't remember which one though
ryan: might've been G
mike: BAD
ryan: might've been Dan-o
mike: HORRIBLE
mike: marshall we call it quits? I want to get home
mike: it's been raining and my lawn is like a marshall, hope it isn't too bad
ryan: what are you germyn mike? you can't just quit
mike: i'm hungry, all i had to eat today was some graham crackers and a few marshallmows, primitive smores
ryan: i've been pretty nystrom to you throughout this process
ryan: I even gavey you the benefit of the doubt
ryan: most of the time i was wright
ryan: ok that was the best waste of time ever though
ryan: honestly i don't think i can do it again
mike: not todday at least
ryan: so which 2 teams are we doing tomorrow
mike: tomi, the best one would be ottawa and buffalo
mike: but it was fun, that's andyniable
ryan: "and here's a brutal turnover by the sabres in their own zone, and the sens score an easy one. Lindy Ruff not too happy, he saying Jochen, what the hecht you doing?!" - don taylor
ryan: ok it wasn't that drawn out but its hard to explain in a msg
mike: i got it
ryan: basically punchline: Jochen, what the Hecht ya doin?
ryan: gotta love taylor
mike: he definitely leaves his special brandon the highlights
ryan: he calls the ducks the "muscular fowl"
mike: wow
mike: as a fencer would say, boucher
ryan: mike go home


[posted by Rades at 7:08 PM] LINK ||
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
I've had about four or five emails sitting in my inbox for months now, unread and thus still showing as "new" emails. They were all from me, usually sent from work - a link that I wanted to retain, a half-finished post, or some miscellaneous info. The last of these was a link to a list of items that were no longer allowed on flights. I believe this is an old list, but that's not important, what's important is to picture someone trying to bring these onto the plane, and what possible reasons they might try to have to justify it.
  • Ammunition
  • automatic weapons
  • axes
  • baseball bats
  • BB guns
  • billy clubs
  • blackjacks
  • blasting caps
  • bows and arrows
  • box cutters
  • brass knuckles
  • bullwhips
  • cattle prods
  • compressed-air guns
  • corkscrews
  • cricket bats
  • crowbars
  • disabling chemicals or gases
  • dog-repellent spray
  • dynamite
  • fire extinguishers
  • flare pistols
  • golf clubs
  • gun-lighters
  • gunpowder
  • hammers
  • hand grenades
  • hatchets
  • hockey sticks
  • hunting knives
  • ice axes/icepicks
  • knives (any length)
  • batons; large,
  • heavy tools (wrenches, pliers, etc.)
  • Mace™
  • martial-arts devices
  • meat cleavers
  • metal scissors with pointed tips
  • nunchucks
  • pellet guns
  • penknives
  • pepper spray
  • pistols
  • plastic explosives
  • pool cues
  • portable power drills
  • portable power saws
  • razor blades (unless they're in a cartridge)
  • religious knives
  • replica weapons
  • revolvers
  • rifles
  • road flares
  • scuba knives
  • sabers
  • screwdrivers
  • shotguns
  • ski poles
  • spear guns
  • starter pistols
  • straight razors
  • stun guns/shocking devices
  • swords
  • tear gas
  • throwing stars
  • toy transformer robots (MEGATRONNNNNNNN!!)
  • toy weapons.
I can just imagine the accident reports avoided with this great list. "We removed the suspect's pointed scissors, dog spray, and cricket bat, but he somehow managed to overwhelm the crew with the MEAT CLEAVER and SPEAR GUN that we didn't confiscate." And I realize this list has to be extensive, but really, doesn't it go without saying that if you're brandishing a shotgun, or hand grenades, or DYNAMITE, or anything whose primary function is to kill/injure/explode, you might not be allowed to board? Furthermore, what kind of looks would you get if you walked up to the desk with your ticket, your carry-on luggage, and oh yeah, your portable table saw? Because that's perfectly normal, right?

Finally, I know flight attacks aren't very funny, but come on, who wouldn't laugh or at least do a double-take if there was a news report saying a flight got taken over by people with throwing stars and nunchucks, aka Ninjas? Ninjas hijacking a plane would be almost as good as, oh say, Snakes On a Plane.


[posted by Rades at 2:45 PM] LINK ||
Monday, May 01, 2006
The Job That Never Was
This passed quietly, but I turned down a job in Kamloops a few weeks back, at the Kamloops This Week. It's a bit of a funny story, because I actually got the job without applying. My parents spotted an ad in the KTW for a part-time creative position and they informed me. I didn't really consider it, since it was only part time, but I figured that maybe I should email them saying I had seen the ad, and while I couldn't apply for this one, to keep me in mind should a full-time position open up. Lo and behold, the editor called me at work the next week saying that they had a mat-leave spot opening up, did I want to hear about the job? So we met in Kamloops that weekend and he filled me in on the details. It wasn't really full-time, but more than part-time (weird to describe), and it was only for a year, so I had to turn it down. So it's too bad that the job didn't work out, but it's also kind of funny that I got a job without even trying, and even more awesome when you consider that the position didn't even technically exist when I contacted them. I'm sure my cousin Katie will once again say that this is why some people must surely hate me.

Papelbon
There's a hot new rookie pitcher in MLB that's lighting it up right now named Jonathon Papelbon. I had him in my sights before the season even started, and once he got thrown into a reliever role and started dominating I grabbed him. Only then - after some "compliments" of dubious sincerity from one Mr. John Spigott - did I realize that his name was similar to that of, who else? Frank Papp. If that's not fate, I don't know what is.

My brother's leper hand
I arrived home this weekend to discover that my brother's hand has contracted leprosy. Okay, not really, but I guess the cleanser or sanitizer at his work (A&W) is wreaking havoc with the skin on his hand. It looks freaking awful. Like a horrible chemical or acid burn or something. He says it doesn't hurt but he can't move his hand. We went to the hospital on Saturday and a dermatologist prescribed some cream and ointment, and he's off work for a while. On Sunday we made a special trip down to the comic store to show Nick, the worker there who Jamie loves tormenting. Nick was thoroughly disgusted, so Jamie was pleased.

In Praise of Loopholes
The author of a site I frequent wrote an article about famous loopholes. Anyone who's played games against me or debated (read: argued) with me needs no explanation as to why I am a huge fan of loopholes.


[posted by Rades at 12:04 PM] LINK ||