Wednesday, May 03, 2006
I've had about four or five emails sitting in my inbox for months now, unread and thus still showing as "new" emails. They were all from me, usually sent from work - a link that I wanted to retain, a half-finished post, or some miscellaneous info. The last of these was a link to a list of items that were no longer allowed on flights. I believe this is an old list, but that's not important, what's important is to picture someone trying to bring these onto the plane, and what possible reasons they might try to have to justify it.
  • Ammunition
  • automatic weapons
  • axes
  • baseball bats
  • BB guns
  • billy clubs
  • blackjacks
  • blasting caps
  • bows and arrows
  • box cutters
  • brass knuckles
  • bullwhips
  • cattle prods
  • compressed-air guns
  • corkscrews
  • cricket bats
  • crowbars
  • disabling chemicals or gases
  • dog-repellent spray
  • dynamite
  • fire extinguishers
  • flare pistols
  • golf clubs
  • gun-lighters
  • gunpowder
  • hammers
  • hand grenades
  • hatchets
  • hockey sticks
  • hunting knives
  • ice axes/icepicks
  • knives (any length)
  • batons; large,
  • heavy tools (wrenches, pliers, etc.)
  • Mace™
  • martial-arts devices
  • meat cleavers
  • metal scissors with pointed tips
  • nunchucks
  • pellet guns
  • penknives
  • pepper spray
  • pistols
  • plastic explosives
  • pool cues
  • portable power drills
  • portable power saws
  • razor blades (unless they're in a cartridge)
  • religious knives
  • replica weapons
  • revolvers
  • rifles
  • road flares
  • scuba knives
  • sabers
  • screwdrivers
  • shotguns
  • ski poles
  • spear guns
  • starter pistols
  • straight razors
  • stun guns/shocking devices
  • swords
  • tear gas
  • throwing stars
  • toy transformer robots (MEGATRONNNNNNNN!!)
  • toy weapons.
I can just imagine the accident reports avoided with this great list. "We removed the suspect's pointed scissors, dog spray, and cricket bat, but he somehow managed to overwhelm the crew with the MEAT CLEAVER and SPEAR GUN that we didn't confiscate." And I realize this list has to be extensive, but really, doesn't it go without saying that if you're brandishing a shotgun, or hand grenades, or DYNAMITE, or anything whose primary function is to kill/injure/explode, you might not be allowed to board? Furthermore, what kind of looks would you get if you walked up to the desk with your ticket, your carry-on luggage, and oh yeah, your portable table saw? Because that's perfectly normal, right?

Finally, I know flight attacks aren't very funny, but come on, who wouldn't laugh or at least do a double-take if there was a news report saying a flight got taken over by people with throwing stars and nunchucks, aka Ninjas? Ninjas hijacking a plane would be almost as good as, oh say, Snakes On a Plane.


[posted by Rades at 2:45 PM] LINK ||