Monday, March 19, 2007


As the latest comic-to-movie to hit the big screens, 300 will probably stand as one of the strongest such adaptations simply because it doesn't seem like a comic movie. Hell, I bet a good chunk of the people who've seen the movie don't even know it's based off a graphic novel by Frank Miller (same guy that wrote Sin City). That being said, it's a great primal movie - there's tons of stabbings, slashings, leaping and yelling. And for the ladies, there's a ton of buff, half-naked men flexing and grunting. The testosterone pretty much oozes from the screen.

Shaun, Jamie and myself saw it yesterday, and afterwards I had only a few minor nitpicks. Which for me, means that I quite enjoyed it. It's a pretty intense movie, one that makes your blood all hot and pulsing once you leave the theatre. In fact, on the way home we purposefully ran out of gas just so we could push the car and grunt and roar for a while. Then we stabbed some Persians.

The music, fight scenes, camera work...all great. You only really get to know about half a dozen of the Spartans, but given that they're all dressed the same and there's only so much time, that's reasonable. A nice surprise is that King Leonidas isn't just a shouting musclehead - during the film he ranges from "I will rip your spine out" THIS IS SPARTA!!!! guy, to sincere and understanding King, to clever and witty spokesman. The guys they fight are mostly forgettable, but they die in spectacularly bloody and gruesome ways, which is really all they're there for.

My one complaint is the big grotesque slob of a man/ogre that you see in the trailer, with freaking blades jammed into his arms where his hands should be. (spoilers! though minor ones) First of all...what? I thought this was a historical story, more or less? So what was with this completely unreal and mutated behemoth? This guy could have given LOTR's Cave Troll a run for its money. So that was kind of strange. Even stranger is how this big fat brute guy gets like 20 seconds of screen time and does nothing at all of importance. Why even bother!? Not bad per se, but a little confusing and pointless.

Overall though, excellent movie. It's not perfect, as there are a few "Well why didn't they do this?" or "What was with that?" questions that immediately spring to mind. But if you don't think about it too much, it's ideal.

9 out of 10

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St. Patrick's Day has to be quite possibly the most retarded "holiday" ever. I'm all for pointless reasons to drink/fight/puke/die, but why do we celebrate it with a stupid leprechaun and pot of gold and shamrocks? An ad on the radio was all "You've just gotta raise one to the Irish!" Screw that, what have the Irish ever done for me? I assume that at some point in history the Irish did SOMETHING significant on this day, but do I care about it? Not unless they founded Canada or invented the hacksaw or something. But the absolute worst part of this holiday is the awful, terrible accents people adopt. Every time someone thinks they're being cute and spouts off a "Begorrah!" or "Aye Laddie!" they should be immediately and violentlydefenestrated.

I propose a new holiday. Butchery Tuesday. On this day, March 20, everyone wears red, drinks red beer, and carries around chunks of raw, bloody meat. Oh and when you speak, you have to do it in a DEEP SCARY VOICE and make it sound like you've been smoking cigarettes for fifty years. Our mascot will be a terrible crimson serpent eating a fat leprechaun. Oh, and if someone protests, act offended and accuse them of not respecting your heritage. Then while they're confused, smack them with the meat and laugh.


[posted by Rades at 10:47 AM] LINK ||