Thursday, August 24, 2006
PLUTO: LOSES STATUS AS PLANET, CLOSER JOB



By Carlton Forman, with files from Fred Fern

When closer Pluto blew another save Thursday, he didn't just lose the baseball game - he also lost his job as closer and lost his status as a member of the Planets.

Pluto was stripped of his job as closer after his fifth blown save and demoted to Triple-A. A member of the Astronomic Planets of Anaheim since 1930, Pluto has struggled this season (5.53 ERA, 1.51 WHIP, 35 earned runs) after giving up a demoralizing walk-off home run to Albert Pujols during last year's playoffs.

Scorned for years by critics who said he was too small, the diminuitive Pluto was the shortest member of the Planets. His battle to establish himself in the league endeared him to fans, and he quickly became known as the "cosmic underdog."

"It was a tough move to make," said team manager Captain Planet. "But what can I say? Pluto has been really cold lately. In fact, he's literally been a giant sphere of ice and snow."

Pluto, an all-star in 2005, will pitch for Astronomic's Triple-A team the Dwarf Planets. He will face strong competition for the closer role from talented young pitchers Ceres, Charon and flamethrowing rookie 2003-UB313. Drafted by the Planets in 2005 and known to fans as Xena, 2003-UB313 has baffled opposing batters this year and sports a 0.98 ERA and .75 WHIP.

Pluto's teammates felt terrible for Pluto. "There's nothing that's going to be able to take away the hurt that I know he feels," said first baseman The Sun. "We all feel for him. There's really nothing you can say. You tell him you love him and go get them the next time he gets a chance."

Planet is confident his once-dominant closer will regain his form and reclaim the closer role this season. In the meantime, Planet said he will go with a closer-by-committee approach, splitting save opportunities between Venus, Jupiter and Dan Wheeler.


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