Monday, January 23, 2006


BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Fuck I hate Belinda Stronach. This has nothing to do with her party or political side, I just hate the fact she's a ship-jumping turncoat who WHORED HERSELF OUT FOR POWER.


[posted by Rades at 9:45 PM] LINK ||
Wednesday, January 18, 2006


[posted by Rades at 9:45 AM] LINK ||
Monday, January 16, 2006
Shaun's birthday was on Saturday, I met up with him, James, Cam, Joelle, and some guy whose name I forget at the Westsyder. After that we went back to James' house where we chilled out for a bit, and we all agreed that Shaun was nowhere NEAR drunk enough. Cam and I tried to correct this by placing a plastic lizard on his shoulder and ruling that any time it fell off, he would have to chug whatever he was drinking. It fell off once.

At like 3:30 AM we left and dropped off Cam, and then instead of going home we decided to go - where else! - to Denny's. As we waited for our food (this was around 4 AM now) we talked briefly about where we thought we'd be in a year from now, in 2007.

Then we turned to where we were a year ago. Shaun jokingly said that a year ago, we had probably been at Denny's. After a moment of recollection, he blurted out "We were! We WERE at Denny's!" and we realized that sadly yes, I had come into Calgary last year at this time and that night in the wee hours of the morning, we had actually been sitting in Denny's just like we were now a year later. The knowledge was strange and a little disturbing.

The next day I ran a few errands, including going up to Superstore to deposit some checks. However once I was at the machine, I realized I had forgotten the checks. So rather than waste the trip up there, Jamie and I decided to wander around Superstore and see what there was. I found a giant Darth Vader bank for $20, which actually looked very cool and would be decent thing to have on a shelf. Then I saw it had a PRESS HERE button so I pressed it, and the Star Wars ominous music (Imperial March music? I dunno, I'm not that much of a dork) ERUPTS out. DAH DAH DAH, DAH DAH DAH! DAH DA DAH, DA! And Vader's moving around, then he goes "IMPRESSIVE!" and waves his little lightsaber around. Obviously, I bought it, and it now stands on my TV. I'm occasionally overcome with the urge to reach up and press it and revel in his majesty.

And speaking of majesty, last week it was Trogday, the third birthday of the burninator himself, Trogdor. I SAID CONSUMMATE V'S!

I just noticed my referrals have been interesting lately. Here's the latest ways people have stumbled across my site:

why do geriatric cats moan?

wolfpack gangsta rap group

PICTURES OF CANE TOADS WITH KIDS

fight, rhino, hippo

"Monkey in a Wagon Versus Lemur on a Big Wheel" (only 2 results for this one, and the other was the offical website link)

rhino vs hippo

licking cane toads

Evil Alien Conquerors mp3


[posted by Rades at 9:28 AM] LINK ||
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
After a few days of thought, and some comments, here's some more OH YEAH! awards:

Best Burn on Al McInnis by a Journalism Professor:
Al (to Shawn Thompson): No, I was your favorite student.
Shawn Thompson: No comment.

Best Halloween Non-Costume:
The Ranch Tooth! How could I forget that?

Worst Climate-related mishaps in Vulcan
When the walls of my house started to leak water.
(honorary mentions: the Alberta Hurricanes; behemoth snowbanks and -40 weather; complete and total floods)


[posted by Rades at 2:32 AM] LINK ||
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Presenting! The first ever Overly Huge Yearly Excellence And Hilarity! awards! That's right, it's the OH YEAH! awards!

Best Band "Hiatus"
Blink 182 calls it quits. Which is sad, but judging from their fanbase - which started as punk kids but gradually became emo good-charlotte-ite whiners - it was about time. Travis Barker had a kid in December, he and Mark Hoppus are in a new band called Plus-44, and Tom Lelonge is in a new group called Angels and Airwaves.

Best Pet
Dopus, the geriatric cat owned by Shaun's aunt, who would sit around and moan and yowl all day, and randomly shit and puke all over the floor. (The cat, not the aunt.)

Best movie title of a movie I have not seen
Frankenfish
(honorary mention: Wizard of Gore)

Best use of knees as an offensive weapon
Ong-Bak (also known as Gak-Bong and Bog-Nag)

Best use of a website to promote a movie
The Wedding Crashers. This could have been the worst movie in the world and it would still be awesome, due to the fact you could go to the webpage and insert photos of yourself or friends into the trailer, and then email it around.

Best use of $1,781.00 USD
Buying the Wendy's Ranch Tooth on ebay.

Best Going-Away Present
A life-sized cardboard Geordi LaForge.

Best CG-animated movie
Final Fantasy: Advent Children.

Best Fluke Find
Finding the Morning Star job, applying the day of the deadline, and getting it.
(honorary mentions: Dane Cook; The Job feat. Denis Leary)

Most disappointing gaming news
The delay of the release of Kingdom Hearts 2 from December 2005 to like, September 2006.
(honorary mention: Microsoft shipping out far too few XBOX systems...again.)

Most Epic Battle
Hippo versus Rhino.
(honorary mentions: Monkey in a Wagon versus Lemur on a Big Wheel; Monster in a Wheelchair)

Most unnecessary real life movie adaptation
The runaway bride story of Jennifer Wilbanks. I can sum up the movie in three steps.
1. She's engaged
2. She runs away
3. WOW EXCITING LET'S MAKE A MOVIE, THE END

Most Baffling Inner-City Forest Appearance
Assault on Precinct 13.

Most "holy crap I'm sick of hearing about these people" person
Terri Schiavo.
(honorary mentions: Tom Cruise, but that's a given; Cindy Sheehan; Steve Moore; The Black Eyed Peas; Kevin Federline; Ashlee Simpson)

Most Significant Death
Hunter S. Thompson died on February 20, 2005. That made me very sad. Though at least he had his ashes shot out of a cannon, which is awesome. Besides being the source of some great reading and great movies, Thompson is also one of the three people that Frank Papp is modeled after.
(honorary mention: Esther the Frigid Bitch)

Most Embarrassing Sports Injury
This honor goes to shortstop Clint Barmes, who fell down some stairs at home while carrying some deer meat. "I figured, I'm an athlete, I can walk up the stairs, it's not that big a deal," said Barmes, who said he got tired of waiting for the elevator.

Most Disappointing Movie
A History of Violence.
(honorary mentions: The Chronicles of Narnia; Serenity)

Most Invincible Movie Actor
LL Cool J.

Most Highly Anticipated Blog Creation
jenninerd.blogspot.com

Most ominous news headline
THE SPECIAL TONIGHT IS ASS
(honorary mention: ALLERGY ALERT - Undeclared nuts in COCK)

Most Confusing Nickname
Michael Buble.
(honorary mention: King Buffalo)

Worst idea by Nintendo ever
The TV-remote-shaped controller for their upcoming system. SO BAD.

Worst Sports Story
The NHL Lockout.

Worst New Team Name
The TRU Wolfpack.

Worst New Team Colors
The TRU Wolfpack.

And finally, the best news stories I posted links to

Monkeys get wasted off booze made from marijuana and swarm village
Ahahahahahahahaha

Exploding toads baffle scientists
Pond named "The Death Pool" by tabloids. And crows are to blame!

School Mistakes Huge Burrito for a Weapon
"I didn't know whether to laugh or cry," school Principal Diana Russell said.

India chews over horny problem of holy cows
"Meanwhile, the city is also infested with thousands of monkeys blamed for attacking people and stealing medicine from hospitals and files from government offices."

Introducing WhirlyBall, the sport of drunks.
It's like Lacrosse, only you play drunk. On bumper cars. That don't have steering wheels.

The Erotic Bakery
"So what kind of cake should we get for Jimmy's birthday? Fruit cake? Chocolate cake? Or how about a cake shaped like a giant pair of breasts?"

A cow has eaten my ipod and I want to go back and punch it in the face
"I was about to run after it but was held back by the attractive female for fear that I would cause a stampede and be crushed by cows and bulls with big pointy horns."

The special tonight is ass
HEADLINE OF THE YEAR

Kids smoking cane toads
"Children as young as 12 are licking cane toads in an attempt to get high, but all they face is an agonising death."

Man found driving ambulance with dead deer
Not only did this guy escape from somewhere, but he a) found an ambulance! and b) somehow picked up a DEAD DEER

Mayor bans death
There's no more room to bury the dead, they can't be cremated and laws forbid a new cemetery. So the mayor has proposed a solution: outlaw death.


[posted by Rades at 5:15 PM] LINK ||
Sunday, January 01, 2006
First entry of 2006, and I can't think of a more enjoyable way to start the year.

Great fun night tonight. Shaun and Jay, who came back to town for new year's, had absolutely nothing to do tonight, and after dismissing Shaun and I's first brainstorm of going to Denny's and ordering an entire pie, we decided to go with our second idea and go to Ruckers. Jenn called and joined us shortly after we got there, and we spent a few hours playing silly games and buying trinkets with our tickets.

Immediately upon arriving, Jenn showed us ALL up by winning this "stop the counter on 1000 to win 100 tickets" game. AND THEN SHE DID IT AGAIN. She had more tickets at the end of the night than me, Shaun and Jay combined.

There was some funky drumming game and a guitar game, both of which involved actually "playing" the instrument in time with the music. They were both fun and Shaun kicked ass on the guitar one. Then we played the dreaded DDR. Shaun and Jenn went first, and Jay told them to pick an Aqua song. Aqua! The sad thing was there actually was an Aqua song on the list, which was the first choice when me and Jay took our turns.

Jay also scrolled to the very last songs on the song list the next time, the ones whose names weren't soft blue or gentle green but BLOOD RED, and chose that song. I should also mention that the songs all have a "speed" rating, with the blue ones like 140, the green ones like 150. The red ones? Yeah, they rolled and rolled and continued to go up until they were like 300. Needless to say that match was insane and brutally hard.

When it came time to get our prizes, Shaun and I decided to actually buy two prizes (for $3 and $2.50 apiece) - two huge, ornamental chains with huge metallic looking things on the end. In other words, BLING. Shaun got this massive silver crocodile and I got a slightly-lighter golden dragon. Definitely awesome picks.

I also got one of those little trendy rubber wrist bands, but not one that says HOPE or LOVE or AMNESTY or UNICEF or whatever. Mine says "TOP DAWG." Yeah, that's right. It's so awfully bad it's terrific. And of course, I am wearing both the bracelet and the bling to work on Tuesday. To finish off with the new phrase I've picked up this trip, it's going to be epic.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Almost forgot a great and horribly catchy link. Seriously, I listen to this like every day now.

"Lazy Sunday" Narnia Rap (CHRONIC-WHAT!-CLES OF NARNIA)
Starring Chris Parnell of EVIL ALIEN CONQUERORS FAME!!


[posted by Rades at 11:59 PM] LINK ||