Wednesday, April 27, 2005
:: Things said to me this weekend :: (all of which, sadly, have been said to me before)

"That is the ugliest shirt I have ever seen."

"But what do you need seventeen boxes of crackers for?"

"Okay, no, THAT is the ugliest shirt I have ever seen."

The weekend went rather smoothly, though I forgot to mention some minor escapades at Superstore. First of all we went in and my cousins each bought a video game. While they were in line, I started browsing through these giant bins of $5 DVDs, all very old and most of which I had never heard of. (Though there was The Phantom. SLAM EVIL!) I showed Chris some awful one, so awful I can't even remember the name of it, and just tossed in this empty cart nearby.

Well, turns out the cart wasn't empty, apparently I'm just blind and thought it was. Because a few minutes later (I was somewhere else by then, probably gawking at the giant orange plastic martini glasses on a display table) my cousin Chris says a man and his daughter came up to the cart and she was showing him the DVD she wanted to buy, and the conversation goes as follows:
Dad: "Okay, that sounds good. Do you want this one too? *picks up Mike's discarded random DVD* "
Girl: "...um, no."
Dad: "Oh. *confused look on face, as he looks at the mystery DVD, before tossing back on pile and going on his way."

...maybe that doesn't sound as funny as it was to me. Anyways the karma would come back to haunt me, for after a trying few minutes as we tried to scrounge up a loonie to get a buggy (and finally resorting to asking finished shoppers if we could buy their cart, at which point we handed over a handful of change), we made it in, and the first thing we I did was immediately spot the shelf with the afore-mentioned giant plastic martini glasses, and run off to them, leaving cousins and cart behind.

We looked at the martini glasses for a few minutes, and when we turned back the cart was gone. Stolen! Who steals a cart! *edited/deleted* *edited/deleted again* *writing re-edited, unintelligible with anger* ...okay, I can't even really describe how much this annoyed me. Maybe because it was such an ordeal getting the cart? I dunno. Moving on.

To make matters worse, for the past, oh I don't know, two months or so, I've had this uncontrollable urge for almonds. Yeah, almonds. [Editor's note: It's actually been more like four months now.] See, at Christmas the Advocate got a little can of mixed nuts from one of our advertising clients, and it ended up in my hands. I ended up eating peanuts, cashews, almonds and some other unidentifiable nuts for lunch for like a week. Ever since I have wanted almonds, but nowhere in town can you buy just almonds - just mixed nuts, and usually like a 200g little baggie for $26.

So I figured of course Superstore's giant racks of bulk stuff would have almonds! But, I thought wrong. There were no almonds except these scary looking cooking-ingredient almonds that tasted like bleach and soap. My almond hunt continues.

[Please note that while the preceding paragraphs may sound like clever references to a bad addiction to cocaine or weed, I really am just talking about almonds. Seriously, I cant' find them anywhere. The drugs I have no problem getting.]

The lack of a cart would prove to be a major problem, for transporting 17 boxes of crackers to the car, plus various canned goods and one jar of cherries, would have required way too many bags since Superstore's really freaking cheap and won't just give you bags. So I got two, for the canned stuff, figuring me and Chris would just carry the crackers. I hadn't realized that the bags Superstore gives you are made out of KLEENEX, but although they stretched ominously thin and bulged dangerously, they survived the 50m journey to the car.

I was planning on piling up the boxes of crackers and just ambling towards the exit, but two of the boxes were mysteriously torn and crumpled and falling apart. Now, this was odd because I know I avoided such boxes when grabbing them. It turns out Chris had found the button that moves the little checkout conveyer belt forward manually, and had kept pushing it, crushing these boxes against the end and demolishing the outside so they looked like they would fall apart at the first opportunity.

We eventually got everything to the car, though it required me moving the car as close as humanly possible without actually being inside the store. Translation, I parked in the fire lane. And wouldn't you know it, what was coming around the corner as me and Chris stumbled out to the car, balancing cracker boxes stacked so high we cannot see where we're going? So we threw everything in the trunk and fled as fast as possible, and thankfully, escaped un-arrested and with no loss of groceries. (That I know of.)

Holy crap, and this was just supposed to be a short post. Guess that's what happens when you're bored and at work and mightily resisting the temptation to actually do work.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Bearcams: Teddy bears with hidden camera and microphone.
The perfect birthday present for the obsessive parent, child molester, and/or voyeur you know!

wanted,, pasion party consultants!! get paid to party and have a blast
That's it, I'm quitting my job. (Ironically, as should these people, for butchering the English language so.)

THE TERRIFYING FACE OF FORGIVENESS
Frankly, I'm just terrified that the website address is SPLEENVILLE.com.


[posted by Rades at 10:31 AM] LINK ||