Old Archives (before 2005)
Search Engine Hall of Fame
transformers whos side are you on octopus or megatron
PAPELBON'S GIRLFRIEND
cane toad cannons
rhino vs hippo video
You're fucking infuriating about me.
TELUS sweatshops
stomping cane toads
dirt on trevor linden
Gangsta Rap baseball cap pictures
jim rome lunch with the monkey
what is pirateism
trevor linden has a girlfriend?
what is the name of old movie where the midas touch turns everything to shit
"fat cat falling"
why do geriatric cats moan?
wolfpack gangsta rap group
PICTURES OF CANE TOADS WITH KIDS
fight, rhino, hippo
"Monkey in a Wagon Versus Lemur on a Big Wheel"
rhino vs hippo
:: Tips for aspiring Journalists ::
I present to you today some helpful tips for people who wish to become members of a small community newspaper, as learned by me through various experiences that have arisen at work.
TIP #1: PORN
Do not use your work email, say, editor@smallnewspaper.com, for pornography. Furthermore, do not SIGN UP said email for porn subscriptions. ESPECIALLY if you are a) new to the job; and b) just here on a 13-week trial and may not be here permanently! Nothing says "Welcome to the job!" to the new editor (after you have been canned for shoddy work) like reams of porno in the inbox.
TIP #2: CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF
If you're the columnist for a community, you represent the entire community. Additionally, if you are a dirty old man who is also a tremendously pathetic alcoholic, and you stink, limit your visits to the office to only when completely necessary, as you make the staff nauseus and want to vomit. Also, try to write your column when not completely wasted, as helpful things like coherent sentences and logical thought may then result.
Topics for appropriate community coverage include local events, important community news, or belated birth announcements. Inappropriate topics include devoting an entire column to the shiny new fire truck, talking about how you woke up in another city with no idea how you got there, or describing how you took your car into the city and "picked up some fine ladies."
TIP #3: DON'T BE ALL BITTER, YO
So you got yourself fired. Probably all that porn email. Well, fast-forward a few years, your old paper's gone through a few staff members and stuff, and well, seems you're still bitter! It's alright to offer constructive criticism on the stories that are now in the paper, it's even natural to do so. And it's only natural that you're a bit over-critical, seeing as how you still hate them with a mighty fury. However, it's not a good idea to go into the office and complain about how crappy the paper is and how you did a much better job....when a) you were fired for lousy work; b) you now pump gas for a living; c) you're drunk.
It's also not a good idea to complain how an event always gets horrible, inaccurate coverage...when you were the only person to have ever covered said event. It makes you look, well, kind of retarded.
TIP #4: DON'T LAUGH
Despite how it seems, the ad client who comes in requesting a classifieds ad stating that he is "a romantic volcano waiting to erupt" may be completely serious. Refrain from laughing until after the schmuck has left the office. If said schmuck is also the community columnist, laugh even harder.
TIP #5: DON'T OPEN THE MAIL
Who knows? That crazy person who's been threatening to coat the paper's mail with Anthrax might one day decide he's serious.
TIP #6: DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS
If you discover you have some stray cats that hang around the office, refrain from feeding them. If you do feed them, please refrain from building them little pet homes that shelter them from the cold. If you do feed them, and do build them little pet homes, please get them spayed or neutered so you are soon not dealing with a swarm of cats. If you do feed them, and do build them little pet homes, and do end up with a swarm of cats, please do not get pregnant. Because it's when you're on maternity leave and away, that all the neighbouring businesses decide to complain about the cat poop they're finding everywhere, and someone else has to deal with this giant nest of cats living out back.
[posted by Rades at 10:34 AM] LINK ||
I present to you today some helpful tips for people who wish to become members of a small community newspaper, as learned by me through various experiences that have arisen at work.
TIP #1: PORN
Do not use your work email, say, editor@smallnewspaper.com, for pornography. Furthermore, do not SIGN UP said email for porn subscriptions. ESPECIALLY if you are a) new to the job; and b) just here on a 13-week trial and may not be here permanently! Nothing says "Welcome to the job!" to the new editor (after you have been canned for shoddy work) like reams of porno in the inbox.
TIP #2: CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF
If you're the columnist for a community, you represent the entire community. Additionally, if you are a dirty old man who is also a tremendously pathetic alcoholic, and you stink, limit your visits to the office to only when completely necessary, as you make the staff nauseus and want to vomit. Also, try to write your column when not completely wasted, as helpful things like coherent sentences and logical thought may then result.
Topics for appropriate community coverage include local events, important community news, or belated birth announcements. Inappropriate topics include devoting an entire column to the shiny new fire truck, talking about how you woke up in another city with no idea how you got there, or describing how you took your car into the city and "picked up some fine ladies."
TIP #3: DON'T BE ALL BITTER, YO
So you got yourself fired. Probably all that porn email. Well, fast-forward a few years, your old paper's gone through a few staff members and stuff, and well, seems you're still bitter! It's alright to offer constructive criticism on the stories that are now in the paper, it's even natural to do so. And it's only natural that you're a bit over-critical, seeing as how you still hate them with a mighty fury. However, it's not a good idea to go into the office and complain about how crappy the paper is and how you did a much better job....when a) you were fired for lousy work; b) you now pump gas for a living; c) you're drunk.
It's also not a good idea to complain how an event always gets horrible, inaccurate coverage...when you were the only person to have ever covered said event. It makes you look, well, kind of retarded.
TIP #4: DON'T LAUGH
Despite how it seems, the ad client who comes in requesting a classifieds ad stating that he is "a romantic volcano waiting to erupt" may be completely serious. Refrain from laughing until after the schmuck has left the office. If said schmuck is also the community columnist, laugh even harder.
TIP #5: DON'T OPEN THE MAIL
Who knows? That crazy person who's been threatening to coat the paper's mail with Anthrax might one day decide he's serious.
TIP #6: DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS
If you discover you have some stray cats that hang around the office, refrain from feeding them. If you do feed them, please refrain from building them little pet homes that shelter them from the cold. If you do feed them, and do build them little pet homes, please get them spayed or neutered so you are soon not dealing with a swarm of cats. If you do feed them, and do build them little pet homes, and do end up with a swarm of cats, please do not get pregnant. Because it's when you're on maternity leave and away, that all the neighbouring businesses decide to complain about the cat poop they're finding everywhere, and someone else has to deal with this giant nest of cats living out back.
[posted by Rades at 10:34 AM] LINK ||