Monday, September 25, 2006
Shaun and I saw The Covenant this weekend. It was okay. We rated it a 6.5/10.

Three upsides: decent special effects, an okay (but very predictable) storyline, and some cool abilities by the "magical" characters. The music was also pretty good, and the intro credits montage was set to an awesome remix of White Zombie's "More Human Than Human" which totally fit the theme. In fact, once I finish writing this I'm going to go try to download it.
Three downsides:
  • There were lots of potential story hooks that went nowhere (a semi-antagonist jealous boyfriend was a major character in the first third of the movie but then didn't appear after that; one of the four main characters was a hothead who clashed with the main guy, but the hothead ended up doing shit all when it got to the actual meat of the story.

  • The final battle was extremely bland, considering what they could have done with it. Two guys fighting have crazy magical powers that include being able to make cars magically start, teleporting an SUV full of people around, jumping from great heights, inducing vomiting in other people, and casting magic spells and curses. So what do they do? Throw spheres of 'force' or air or something at each other. Over and over again.

  • They just plain didn't EXPLAIN some things. In probably the coolest scene (if you've seen the trailer, it's when the car hits the semi and magically reforms behind it) the main guy sees some freaky ghost, and calls his friend and says he just saw a "darkling." Okay, so what is a darkling? Good question, but annoyingly one that never gets answered.
Not a terrible movie, but not a great one either.

IF YOU LIKED THE COVENANT, YOU'D PROBABLY ALSO LIKE:
- X2
- The Craft
- Underworld

There was also a trailer for quite possibly the worst looking movie ever, Stomp The Yard. It's like Bring It On, except instead of hot cheerleaders you have young gangsta kids. And instead of coordinated cheerleading/dancing, they...stomp dance, means hopping around and stomping. Seriously.

This looks so awful. It's got the whole "bad kid trying to improve himself" theme, the "new talented kid joins the team, who desperately needs him" theme, the "rival teams meet at the nationals" theme (which should really only be found in college sports movies, and "stomping" is no freaking sport), and the gangsta theme. It's like Bring It On meets Gridiron Gang meets Step Up, except I would rather watch a marathon of those movies for an entire day than watch Stomp The Yard ONCE.

The Prestige, however, continues to look very sweet. Can't wait to see that one, though I continue to mix it up with The Illusionist.


[posted by Rades at 1:22 AM] LINK ||
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Our Fantasy Baseball Pool has been one of my favorites for a number of reasons. I started in the league knowing absolutely nothing, but quickly gained a reputation for making horrible draft picks based on funny last names; picking up some awesome up-and-comers; and making about 100 more transactions than anybody else. (Stupid Mark implemented a move limit in every single league we've had since then.) I should mention that this season I still have EIGHT of my original 21 draft picks, a new record for me! (In comparison, Nick still has 13 of his original guys, while Spigs has 14).

Another mainstay in our leagues has been the agonizing dominance of one John B. Spigott, who has won the league championship for 3 straight seasons. The trash talk, oh the trash talk...it has been epic. Originally his team was The Green Bastard, but this season that became The Green Dynasty. Also, he refers to himself in the third person as The Champ. But what could we do in the face of such audacity? He won. He had scoreboard. All we could do was shake our fists and vow to topple him from his throne next season.

I've been a thorn in Spigs' side whenever I could. First, I won our NBA pool in 2004, displeasing him greatly because it denied him, as he put it, the "holy trinity." (I don't remember if that was the year where my team was all Williams's, or if that was the year my team was CARLOS BOOOOOOOOZER) Then I beat him in the baseball regular season last year, though he still went on to win overall.

But it all came to a pinnacle last Sunday, when my team "The Papelbon Attack" (named for a rookie phenom I grabbed early in the season named Jon Papelbon) knocked him out of the first round of our baseball playoffs. Ironically, one of his posts on the baseball board from months back almost foreshadowed this, as Spigs wrote the following:

As an aside, the Champ would like to tip the cap to Mr. Papp. For the Champ, watching Papp turn into a fantasy guru is like watching a son learn how to walk. Maybe guru isn't the right word. At least he's competent, which is more then can be said for certain J-schoolers. (Looking at you, Silver.) Now, the Champ realizes there is an 87% chance Papp picked up Papelbon because his name kind of sounds like Papp, and picked up Willingham because of his bizzare fetish with ham (which the Champ missed the boat on.) That said, Papp is infinitely more knowledgeable than McInnis, and two years ago if you asked Papp who a good fantasy pickup would be, he would have given you a blank stare, pushed you down a flight of stairs and stole your wallet. Well done.
Clearly, this monumental event deserved more than my usual response (a mocking, ironic deco-style baseball news story.) This was something special. So on Monday I looked up his newspaper, noted the address and googled a few addresses which would be next door...minus 10 or plus 10, that kind of thing. I found out that there was a Chinese restaurant next door, and I tried to call them to get them to deliver some "misfortune cookies" and a message...but no one answered the phone.

So instead, I called up his paper and booked a small ad to run that Wednesday, billed to Frank Papp. I had to make it kind of vague, so they would have no problem with running it, but it had to have a certain kick to it as well. This was the ad:



I was hoping he would be laying out his stories on Monday and see in big bold letters FRANK PAPP staring up at him, but just in case I also called on Wednesday, found out what page the ad had run on, and left a cryptic message on his voicemail to check that page. His reaction was swift:

Frank Papp, rest assured B7 has an eternal spot on the Champ's wall of fame in the newsroom. Once again, you do not disappoint. The only disappointing thing is the champ had to listen to that message 5 times to figure out what the fuck was going on. He actually considered the possiblility someone had placed anthrax in his copy of the paper on his desk. However, this proved to be much better. If someone were to end the dynasty, the champ is pleased to have it ended by somebody who is legally insane.

Regards, The Champ
The Green Bastard
Honestly, looking back (and it's only been a week) I would definitely rank this in the top 5 of my finest/meanest moments ever. I told Nick and Mark about the ad, and here were their reactions:

Mark: Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I don't think anything will ever top that. Nothing short of getting his paper to do a front-page story on the loss. Either way, well played. Papp, you're the smartest, meanest guy I know. Keep up the good work. GREATEST. THING. EVER.

Nick: Outstanding. If I had a medal to give out for Jackassery, you surely would win this week. I don't want to get all sappy on you (mostly cuz I secretly hate you), but I can honestly say that, with the exception of the time you got interogated by cops for Sifton Ave. Mischief, and the time you revamped your first-ever Deco to stick it in shawn thompson's face, I've never been prouder of you.

High praise indeed.


[posted by Rades at 9:00 AM] LINK ||
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Hockey season is fast approaching, which means the prodigal source of hockey insight returns: PUCK YOU! (The Legend Returns!) Nick has already posted some predictions for the season, heavily supporting the Canucks (of course). Me, I'm actually supporting the Canucks this season, because as I vowed years back, I would vehemently oppose the Canucks as long as they had a) Thugtuzzi, and b) Cloutier. Now that they're gone, I can finally wear my Canucks jersey in actual support of the team, and not just cruel mockery!

I still don't think they're going to win it all this year, but I do predict this: a regular season that is better than last year's abysmal train wreck, but not up to their previous standards, and a post-season that will see them get to the 2nd or 3rd round...ie, their best results in years. I am dubious about the Canucks balance this season...they lost a few good scorers (I'llBreakYourSpine-tuzzi and Carter) and didn't really pick up anyone that I can really see filling those roles. They also lost a handful of d-men, and picked up some new guys. Half the team is new! It's going to be a weird season.

But perhaps most importantly, so too starts our annual Fantasy Hockey Pool. AND SPEAKING OF FANTASY POOLS...an interesting post about this year's baseball pool will be my next entry, and coming tomorrow. It's a good one, if I do say so myself.

Edit: After some badgering by Nick, who wants me to make some predictions, I say this: Nick, in your predictions you say Anaheim and San Jose will both win their divisions, but they are in the same division...you fool!

WEST (* - win their division)
1. San Jose* - Way too potent, almost unfairly so.
2. Calgary* - With the same defensive core and some added strength up front, Iginla finishes in top 3 in scoring.
3. Detroit*
4. Nashville - Kariya and Vernon Fiddler light it up.
5. Anaheim - Pronger has a good year but the team doesn't live up to expectations.
6. Dallas
7. Vancouver - So-so regular season, lack of scoring and uncohesive lines hurt them.
8. Colorado - Svatos picks up where Tanguay left off, but still not as good as before.

Edmonton has a horrible year, further compounding the one-two punch from last year of losing the Cup and then losing Pronger.

I won't bother with the East yet because I haven't kept track of who's changed teams. I'll make predictions in the first or second week of the season.


[posted by Rades at 11:08 AM] LINK ||
Sunday, September 17, 2006

PURE AWESOME CHAT LOGS FOR 2004 ARE NOW ONLINE!

Go check them out HERE. Here's some randomly selected samples:

shaun: Did that little kid just call me Pygmy Man?

dale: man chainsaws are soooooo fucking cool
dale: my ninja name is ded lee ninja
dale: or chainsaw ninja

lorne: The bottle has instructions.
nick: My kind of instructions are 1) open bottle and 2) drink heavily.

wade: Hunter are you game for pizza?
mark: Am I going hunting?
spigs: You guys are going to Keith's?


[posted by Rades at 9:17 AM] LINK ||
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Open Letter to the pathetic miscreant who broke into my car last night

I noticed your handiwork this morning. Doors unlocked, glove compartment papers littered about the front seats, armrest lid wide open. Dejectedly I climbed in to survey the damage, but was surprised to notice that only a single thing had been taken - the ashtray, which had contained exactly 8 pennies. Everything else had been left behind.

What's the deal, thief? Were the contents of my car beneath you? Are you too good to take my stuff? Is that it? I'm actually offended. Or at least I was, until I realized that this had not been the act of some elitist car thief, but instead the desperate act of some poor, pathetic soul.

Let's see. You didn't take a single one of my bouncy balls that look like pool balls, or my mini Fat Cat statue in the back window. I suppose that being emaciated and scrawny (as you undoubtedly are, having grown up in a dingy back room of a rat-infested warehouse because you were abandoned as a child once your parents realized what a worthless lump of flesh they had on their hands) such items might have been difficult for you to take. I mean, what other sane reason would there be to leave those behind?

The bouncy balls, after all, do require some capability of physical competence, and had you tried to use them, you probably would have broken your arm and a few ribs trying to fetch it. In fact, perhaps the very idea of interacting with another moving object was too much for you to take, sending you into spasmatic convulsions - this would explain the two quarters I found curiously scattered on the floor of the car.

The cat meanwhile weighs about two pounds and thus was too heavy for your weak, feeble limbs to carry away. How the cat must have mocked you! Fat and content in its pleasant existence, sitting in the car and basking in the warm sun each day, while you scrabble in the dirty weeds behind the Wendy's, lapping up half-empty drinks and nibbling at discarded pickles.

I noticed that you also passed over my Cocktail soundtrack tape too. What the heck? Who passes up that? But you also overlooked the Star Wars soundtrack and Whitesnake tapes, so I suppose that you are just woefully ignorant when it comes to musical quality. It is a shame, really - perhaps some music would have been comforting on those cold, lonely nights where the only sounds are your own pathetic whimpering.

Also left behind were not one, but two pairs of broken sunglasses. Granted, one pair was broken beyond all redemption, but the other would have still been wearable with some minor adjustments. Why didn't you take those, horrible creature of the night? Were you afraid that the shades wouldn't fit onto your grossly mishapen, dented skull? Would the emotional trauma of being thwarted by an inanimate hunk of plastic have been too much for you to bear?

The drink holder did not escape your pitiful wrath. It seems you attempted to rip it out of its moorings, for some inexplicable reason. I was amused to observe that even in a senseless act of pointless destruction, you failed, managing to only break off the corner of one of the cup rings. Devastated, you tossed the broken piece aside to the floor, yourself a broken and shattered being.

The copper salt and pepper shakers in the e-brake well must have been the final straw. After all, is there anything more cruel to a gutter snipe such as yourself, who has to scrounge and beg for sustenance, than condiments? I think not. To make matters worse, these particular shakers look like shotgun shells, which probably just twisted the proverbial knife in your tattered heart. Clearly you would end your wretched life had you the means and the courage to do so, but by now it is obvious you are a sad little coward who skulks about at night just trying to survive.

You also left behind the plush Bend It Like Beckham soccer ball on my dashboard, the 11-year-old unused deodorant stick, and the brand-new lightbulb in the backseat. But I figure that by now you just want to end this disgraceful farce of a break and enter. Also, it's unfortunate but not surprising that you were too stupid to pop the trunk, as that's where I keep the real prizes. If not for your unfaltering dimwittery, you could have been the proud owner of Good Guys Wear Black starring Chuck Norris, a pool noodle that's been chopped in half, and a full-sized real estate sign. Your loss.

And so you limped off into the night, tears and snot dripping down your horrible face. Your scabrous hands clutched your night's prizes, 8 pennies, the most money you had ever seen. Maybe you found an alley with some warm garbage bags to nestle into. Maybe you curled up in the mud behind the train tracks. Who knows? More importantly, who cares? No one. Farewell, pathetic car thief miscreant.


[posted by Rades at 11:20 AM] LINK ||
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Me and Shaun have a deal.

We agreed a few months ago that should Shaun ever win the lottery, he will immediately charter a private jet in Kelowna and prep it to transport us to some faraway exotic locale. While the jet is being readied, he will hire a helicopter and assemble a team of four guys dressed up like SWAT commandos, and speed off to my workplace.

Once there, they will hover in the parking lot approximately 2 metres from the ground, causing loose papers, shopping bags and small dogs to be flung about dramatically through the air. Meanwhile the SWAT team will crash through the front doors, guns readied and gas masks in place, and walk calmly up to the front desk and ask where my desk is. Then they'll run in, leaping over desks and knocking over magazine racks, to where I sit.

Then one of two things will happen. The first is that they grab me and stuff me in a potato sack and drag me out of the building and hurl me into the helicopter. Once we get to Kelowna, we all laugh at this bizarre prank, and then we continue onwards to the Galapagos Islands to ride the giant tortoises.

The second is that I slay the entire SWAT team with a pen.

The amazing thing about this plan is that this is actually just the first leg of our journey, which actually spans a week of financial decadence known (to us) as The Billionaire Adventures. We summarized this epic adventure in radio show format but I'm sure no one bothered to download it. I'm not really sure where this plan arose from, but I'd definitely rank it up there with our other plans, such as our car that spits out pieces of road in mid-air so we can drive through the air.

Truly we are inventive masterminds.


[posted by Rades at 11:59 AM] LINK ||
Monday, September 11, 2006
There's no doubt about it, 9/11 is one of those events that you truly do remember just exactly what you were doing that day. I'll say right up front, I was completely unaffected on an immediate, personal level - I only know like 3 people in the entire USA, let alone in New York. Chances are most of the handful of people who will read this (since they live in Canada) would say the same thing.

I could write a touching, heartfelt dialogue about how certain events move you regardless of who you are. I could probably weave a beautiful tapestry of eulogising words expressing grief, compassion, and loss. I'd be one of hundreds to do so. So I won't even try. I wasn't there, I didn't lose anyone, and it would be completely fake and pretentious to even try. There's also a point where it is useless trying to put something into words that is a) impossible to accurately describe, and b) already completely understood by everyone anyways. Flowery words and a good thesaurus can't do the job here.

I was actually in the dark for most of the day. When I first heard the news, I was groggily getting ready for classes, and only caught the briefest summaries. For some strange reason (now that I think of it), I don't recall there being much on the radio about it on the way up to school, though to be fair this could be attributed to my usual state of pre-class stupor. The only class I remember having that day was, ironically, Poli Sci. I think we all expected a huge discussion, but the prof surprisingly did not go that route. We had a regular class. Probably a good moves since at that time (around 10 am) the facts were few and the rumors and speculation were high.

After that class I headed to Trevor's with Jay and Mitch, like usual. It's probably the only time I can think of that we all just sat around transfixed by the TV without one of us shooting pool, playing super nintendo, or mocking stupid girls on ICQ. The news of course was useless at that point, just repeating the same information over and over again and telling us nothing new. We still watched though.

I vividly remember observing the outside sky, which was a bright blue clear day. Nothing to hint at the crazy happenings elsewhere in the world. I looked at the sky, devoid of clouds and planes and anything, and could picture fighter jets flying through the air, breaking the silence and tranquil scene. Gunfire, explosions, dark red clouds spreading over the valley. I really wondered if this was the beginning of hell breaking out and war spreading across the world. Can you blame me? At that point all we knew was planes crashing, terrorists suspected, president possibly missing, pentagon destroyed, etc.

And now it's been five years. A few drawn-out wars, a few movies, a few sad, pathetic attempts to profit from the event's anniversary. Life goes on, whether we like it or not.


[posted by Rades at 11:59 PM] LINK ||
Friday, September 08, 2006
This week has been a HELL WEEK at work. I greatly dislike 12 hour work days. However, I of course am not opposed to the grossly inflated paycheck that will follow this week. Over the course of the long, painful hours spent inside the office walls, I found a new streaming radio site: www.thebuzz.fm, a pretty cool rock station. Good mix of new / fairly new songs. Here is a sample 24 songs to indicate the station's playset, 24 songs because it was SANMAN'S BIRTHDAY yesterday, and he turned 24, which is like a golden year for him given his alarming obsession with the TV show 24.

1. Weezer - Perfect Situation
2. Three Days Grace - Animal I Have Become
3. Flipsyde - Someday (Okay, this song was crap. Hopefully the rest are good.)
4. Fall Out Boy - Dance, Dance
5. Blue October - Into The Ocean
6. Stone Temple Pilots - Interstate Love Song
7. Buckcherry - Crazy Bitch
8. Jimmy Eat World - Work
9. Alice In Chains - Man In The Box
10. Coldplay - The Scientist
11. Angels & Airwaves - The Adventure
12. Trapt - Waiting
13. Nine Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds
14. Blink 182 - First Date
15. Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober
16. Sublime - Santeria
17. Bush - Mouth (Deconstructed/American Werewolf in Paris version)
18. Hinder - Lips of an Angel
19. Stone Sour - Through Glass
20. Midtown - Like A Movie
21. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California
22. The Killers - Mr Brightside
23. Breaking Benjamin - The Diary of Jane
24. Smashing Pumpkins - Today


[posted by Rades at 12:03 PM] LINK ||
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Finally Shaun and I broke our despressing streak of horrible movies, by going and seeing Crank. The storyline is pretty simple...a hitman has been poisoned by this crazy drug, it's cutting off his adrenaline, slowly killing him. He sets off to get revenge, but the only way he can stay alive is to keep his blood pumping...BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. Intense action, lots of high speed action, and craziness ensues.

It was a great movie, extremely exciting and blood-pumping (which is appropriate). The music and camera work was top notch, and added a lot to the fast-paced, frenetic mood. I'd never seen Jason Statham in either Transporter movies, but after Crank I'm definitely a fan of his now. (edit: I downloaded the first Transporter movie and it's awesome too.)

The story was simple - it can literally be summarized in the tag phrase "If I stop, I die." - but sufficient enough. There are no huge twists or amazing plot revelations, but you'd be silly to expect The Usual Suspects here. I'm (in)famous for nitpicking plot holes and discrepancies, and I can honestly say I had none at the end of the movie. There were two scenes that were mildly confusing, but only for a few seconds, after which time there was probably a gunfight or extensive property damage to focus on.

I already mentioned the music and camera work, but it deserves mention again. A movie like this fast cuts, insane camera angles, and a certain cartoonish nature, and Crank hits it perfectly. Not to mention that one of Statham's survival methods is drugs of all sorts, so naturally the camera at times is spiralling crazily all over the place and flickering with all sorts of weird afterimages. Which is perfect. The music blends perfectly (as much as jarring, jagged music can realistically "blend") with the action onscreen, and between the happenings onscreen and the rapidfire songs, there's literally no downtime at all in the entire movie.

Overall? I'd definitely go see Crank again in theaters - it's that funny, fun and entertaining. It's fast-paced action that delivers constantly throughout the entire film. Great movie.

10/10!

IF YOU LIKED CRANK, YOU'D PROBABLY ALSO LIKE:
- The Transporter
- Speed (of course)
- Cowboy Bebop

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A podium girl holds the Cock of Leon.
It's a local symbol. (Dirty, dirty Cyclists!)

The Transformers sing "Robot Hell" from Futurama
Definite highlight: Soundwave at 1:06 as the Beastie Boys


[posted by Rades at 5:47 PM] LINK ||
Sunday, September 03, 2006
THE CROCODILE HUNTER IS DEAD! Killed by a Stingray in a diving accident while doing a documentary!
http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200609/s1732439.htm

...ehh, I had some sarcastic remarks here, but as ridiculous as the man was, he sincerely loved animals and wildlife, so you gotta give him ups for that. Besides, despite the fact that he was completely batshit fucking loco, you really can't dislike him.

Unlike that idiot from Grizzly Man or whatever it was. I will die for these animals, I will die for these animals, I will die for these animals BLARGH THESE ANIMALS JUST KILLED ME AND ATE ME ALIVE. Moron.


[posted by Rades at 11:55 PM] LINK ||